Who knows what you'll find below--whining is a strong possibility--as is bitching about the government--TV and movie reviews--recipes--mayhaps an essay extolling the virtues of baby wipes for the childless. Enter at your own risk. All sales final, no store credit and definitely no refunds.

Location: Outer Banks, North Carolina, United States

I'm an affianced fortysomething female living in sin with HoneyDo and trying to make my way in the world whilst enjoying my addictions to blog worship, reality TV, food and the occasional cocktail. Dealing with health issues, financial embarassment and family problems, just like the rest of the world.

Monday, August 01, 2005

So What if I'm not a geek...

I'm DUMBLEDORE! Way cooler if you ask me!">%20src=" Monkeys Inc.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

I am so not a computer geek...

My computer geek score is greater than 25% of all people in the world! How do you compare? Click here to find out!

Pitiful, ain't it?

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Ahhh Summer....

There is absolutely nothing that tastes as much like summer as a big bowl of Gazpacho with croutons, cukes, maters & vidalias for garnish. Yummers! I gotta make some more this weekend. Well, that, and maybe a fried soft shell crab and a milkshake & dolphin boat from John's Drive In.

Antici (pregnant pause) pation

HoneyDo sent me an email yesterday "Thursday Night Date?" He very sweetly posted all of the movie times and asked for my suggestions for dinner. We've both been working a lot of hours lately and we both get home so exhausted, there's no quality "US" time. So tonight, we're going on a date. We're gonna get cleaned up and sweet smelling and do dinner and a movie. We financially embarrassed right now, so nothing fancy. I suggested we hit Point Harbor Seafood. It a great little soundfront restaurant where they serve great shrimp baskets and cold beer and waterfront dining. Nothing fancy, but the shrimp are fresh and plump and it won't be inundated by the tourist's a local favorite.

I'm really excited about our big night on the town. It's rare that we go out and pay attention to just us. We'll hold hands over dinner and snuggle in the movie theater and we might even snuggle again when we get home *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*. We're not going to blob out in front of the TV and complain about how tired we are--we are going out amongst the people and feel superior to the rest of the world cause we've been together for over 7 years and we still go on dates. Ain't we lucky? I loves me some HoneyDo.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Ever Wanna Blow Up Yer TiVo?

Well, I did. Just this morning. I was watching the final minutes of "America's Next Food Network Star" and Emeril comes in, holding the inevitable silver domed food cover containing the results of last night's "LIVE" vote between the non-threatening gay couple, Steve and Dan vs. the too perky for Katie Couric Deborah. My favorite, Eric, the lovable teddy bear of a gent with personality plus, was eliminated in the previous show. He just couldn't get a hand on the technical side of things..however, given time, I think he would've been HUGE on the food network. Today, I think I was rooting for Steve and Dan cause 1) they're gay and it's one more step in the road to acceptance for homosexuals in America and 2) they are downright funny and I actually like their food. Deborah, though talented in her own right, never seemed genuine to me. Although, that may have been just how she truly is as a person, she always came off as phony and rehearsed to me.

Anyhoo, we're at the part where Emeril has lifted the silver dome and is a mere moment from announcing he winner and TIVO CUTS OFF! I mean, it ended the recording like a full minute too soon! I'm left with a goofy still shot of Emeril opening his mouth to read the winner and TIVO asks me if I want to delete the recording now. I let out a horrified "NOOOOOO!" and HoneyDo about busts a gut with glee. He cackles all the way back to the computer while I issue forth a stream of obscenities only rivaled in "Deadwood." Within seconds, HoneyDo is singing from the office "I know something you don't know, and I'm not gonna tell." interspersed with giggles and hand clapping and other general childishness, i.e., he was being a MAN. He obviously had a feeling of superiority that may well have ended his life had he not immediately seen the murderous gleam in my eye demanding to know the results. Turns out that Dan and Steve won America's vote and I missed the looks of delight and the agony of defeat cause TIVO can't recognize that a show needs a couple extra minutes. It probably had to change channels to begin recording "History's Mysteries" or some "man" shit.

I think it should be a LAW that programs that are supposed to be on and end at certain times do exactly that. All the networks and cable stations MUST adhere to the same damn clock and start and end their shows on the half hour. Network TV is especially evil when it comes to ending their shows on time. "Lost" never ended on the hour--always like at 9:02. This is an attempt to keep me from changing the channel. Like I was worried about missing the first two minutes of "American Idol" to hear Ryan introduce the lame brain judges (except for Randy) yet again. All it really did was screw up people with TiVo cause you couldn't program "AI" to start at it's regular time cause "Lost" ran over by two whole minutes. You had to manually program TiVo to start or end five minutes earlier or later, which defeats the whole purpose of having a TiVo. It's incredibly frustrating for TV addicts like me who DEPEND on TiVo for their daily fix of really bad TV like "American Idol" and "America's Next Food Network Star."

Maybe I should blow the damn thing up. Nah, "Hell's Kitchen" is on tonight and there's nothing more fun than watching Gordon Ramsay decorate some poor slob's jacket with a too salty risotto, over and over and over again. I love that 5 second rewind button...

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Poor, poor Harley

Last weekend, my mom's dog, Harley, was hit by a car. It was his fault--he ran into the street and the folks driving the car couldn't avoid him. Harley kind of freaked out and ran away and hid. The car sped off down the road (assholes!) and a witness came to my mom's door and told her.

We live on the Outer Banks of NC--ocean to the east and sound/marsh to the west. Well, Harley must've hidden in the west as when he was finally found 3 hours later, he was covered in that nasty, smelly marsh mud and he was barely able to walk. He had obviously been hit in the hip area and as it was Sunday, and we live in a podunk area, there are no vets around. Mom made him as comfortable as possible and took him to the vet first thing Monday morning. Harley is a Belgian Malanois. For those unfamiliar with the breed, they are extremely similar in look to a German Shepard. Coloring and hair are almost identical. I tell you this because when Mom got Harley to the vet, Dr. Horne exclaimed "This dog has been bitten by a HUGE snake, as well as being hit by a car!" See, mom thought the swelling and pain were due to the car, but apparently while he was hiding, he must've come hip to nose with one big damn cottonmouth. You couldn't see the bite because his hair is so thick. The bite was so bad that Dr. Horne refused to do surgery until Harley was recovered enough from the snake bite.

Harley finally had surgery on Thursday--four days after he'd been hit & bitten. When he came home from the vet on Friday morning, this is what his hip looked like. Is that a big damn snake bite or what?!

Harley and I have a rather contentious relationship. I LOVE dogs and normally they love me right back. But not Harley. The dog hates me and I've been at the receiving end of some "nips" where he's actually broken skin and caused some bruising. As long as Mom is home, she can make him calm enough that I can proceed to bribe him with biscuits and ear scritches. However, I cannot enter my mom's house alone--Harley will bite me and has chased me into my car on more than one occasion. This has been going on for several years and I accept it as part of life--heck, it gets me outta having to feed him when mom goes out of town. Harley is a beautiful dog--strong of stature and almost regal in his presence. He fetches the paper from the end of the driveway, even during the nastiest of weather. He does the coolest "sit pretty" whereupon he sits up and will hang there for however long necessary for a biscuit. And, he's an absolute slut for a biscuit. He has a habit of allowing the very tip of his tongue to peak out of his mouth, giving him a harmless, goofy look. He's quite affectionate to and protective of those he loves and pity the fool who approaches my mom or tries to enter her home when she's not there. He just plain ole doesn't like me. We don't know why, it's just how he is. I'm not the only one he's bitten--he got my toddler niece once--prompting my mom to swear she was giving him away. And, he bit a visitor who was chatting to my mom in her driveway. I've often wondered that if a stranger attacked me, if he'd defend me or assist my attacker. He's skittish and weird sometimes and the bottom line is, you just can't trust him.

And as much as Harley dislikes me, I can't help liking him. When he does allow me to love on him, he is as endearing as any lap dog. He wrestles like a champ with my nephews and it's comforting to know he's there defending my mom with his last breath, if necessary. Nevertheless, there are days when I'd like to clobber him--he can be downright terrifying and an outright nuisance. Imagine having to call your mom's house everytime you visit just so she can put the dog away.

Yet, as much as I've wanted to boot his bottom across the deck, NO being deserves the nastiness he's been through this week. Poor buddy. I've avoided visiting him because I don't want to irritate him whilst he's in his weakened state. I'll be relieved when he's able to chase me back to my car again and we can get on annoying one another.

Harley's surgery and snake bite June 26, 2005. Posted by Hello