Who knows what you'll find below--whining is a strong possibility--as is bitching about the government--TV and movie reviews--recipes--mayhaps an essay extolling the virtues of baby wipes for the childless. Enter at your own risk. All sales final, no store credit and definitely no refunds.

Location: Outer Banks, North Carolina, United States

I'm an affianced fortysomething female living in sin with HoneyDo and trying to make my way in the world whilst enjoying my addictions to blog worship, reality TV, food and the occasional cocktail. Dealing with health issues, financial embarassment and family problems, just like the rest of the world.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Ever Wanna Blow Up Yer TiVo?

Well, I did. Just this morning. I was watching the final minutes of "America's Next Food Network Star" and Emeril comes in, holding the inevitable silver domed food cover containing the results of last night's "LIVE" vote between the non-threatening gay couple, Steve and Dan vs. the too perky for Katie Couric Deborah. My favorite, Eric, the lovable teddy bear of a gent with personality plus, was eliminated in the previous show. He just couldn't get a hand on the technical side of things..however, given time, I think he would've been HUGE on the food network. Today, I think I was rooting for Steve and Dan cause 1) they're gay and it's one more step in the road to acceptance for homosexuals in America and 2) they are downright funny and I actually like their food. Deborah, though talented in her own right, never seemed genuine to me. Although, that may have been just how she truly is as a person, she always came off as phony and rehearsed to me.

Anyhoo, we're at the part where Emeril has lifted the silver dome and is a mere moment from announcing he winner and TIVO CUTS OFF! I mean, it ended the recording like a full minute too soon! I'm left with a goofy still shot of Emeril opening his mouth to read the winner and TIVO asks me if I want to delete the recording now. I let out a horrified "NOOOOOO!" and HoneyDo about busts a gut with glee. He cackles all the way back to the computer while I issue forth a stream of obscenities only rivaled in "Deadwood." Within seconds, HoneyDo is singing from the office "I know something you don't know, and I'm not gonna tell." interspersed with giggles and hand clapping and other general childishness, i.e., he was being a MAN. He obviously had a feeling of superiority that may well have ended his life had he not immediately seen the murderous gleam in my eye demanding to know the results. Turns out that Dan and Steve won America's vote and I missed the looks of delight and the agony of defeat cause TIVO can't recognize that a show needs a couple extra minutes. It probably had to change channels to begin recording "History's Mysteries" or some "man" shit.

I think it should be a LAW that programs that are supposed to be on and end at certain times do exactly that. All the networks and cable stations MUST adhere to the same damn clock and start and end their shows on the half hour. Network TV is especially evil when it comes to ending their shows on time. "Lost" never ended on the hour--always like at 9:02. This is an attempt to keep me from changing the channel. Like I was worried about missing the first two minutes of "American Idol" to hear Ryan introduce the lame brain judges (except for Randy) yet again. All it really did was screw up people with TiVo cause you couldn't program "AI" to start at it's regular time cause "Lost" ran over by two whole minutes. You had to manually program TiVo to start or end five minutes earlier or later, which defeats the whole purpose of having a TiVo. It's incredibly frustrating for TV addicts like me who DEPEND on TiVo for their daily fix of really bad TV like "American Idol" and "America's Next Food Network Star."

Maybe I should blow the damn thing up. Nah, "Hell's Kitchen" is on tonight and there's nothing more fun than watching Gordon Ramsay decorate some poor slob's jacket with a too salty risotto, over and over and over again. I love that 5 second rewind button...


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